Thursday 31 October 2013

Play The Stinking Game. Or Else.

Ender's Game is currently showing in cinemas.
I've seen the trailers. Plenty of fake reality with 'technology' and 'explosions', while Harrison Ford looks serious.

Of course, the fate of 'Humanity' (that mewling, sucking mass of helpless flesh) is at stake; they are threatened with annihilation by 'aliens', who did a half-arsed job at the first attempt.
Surprise surprise. Only the world (US) military can save us by preparing in advance for the next incompetent annihilation visit, after which presumably the aliens will get tired of blowing us up and bugger off for another 70 years.

And what is the preparation? Take a young boy and train him and train him and train him, so that he can save us.

Human sacrifice is back, Mayan style.
Except they're not bashing kids heads in on a hill to appease the gods, they're sending them out into space where we don't have to watch, hear or see, and all we have to do is trust the generals.

Sounds to me like Starship Troopers played straight.

I could be mistaken, but this looks like yet another video nasty which has no place in civilisation save as an educational tool in the study of mass neurosis.

Game over.

Monday 28 October 2013

Fine

"Do you know who I am young man?"
"No."
He took a deep draught from his beer.
"Who the Hell are you?"
"My name is Feinstein. Senator Feinstein!"
The older man paused for effect, smiling in an indulgence he was already indulging.
"Oh. Oh! Senator..."
"Feinstein. How do you do?"
"You're the guy sicking the NSA on everybody's backs right?"
He put his beer on the counter with a thud, and smiled ironically.
"I believe that our security agencies should....."
"They're not here."
"Not as such."
"Let me stand in for them."
"A-ha...ha..."
"What's in your wallet?"
"What?"
"What's in your damn wallet?"
"That's none of your business!"
"Damn right it is! I'm the TSA!"
"NSA!"
"Don't mind if I do!"
He tripped the old man up and turned him upside-down, while he protested ineffectually.
"Really! Really!" said the senator as coins, condoms and a wallet fell onto the dirty floor. Whereupon the younger man placed him on a barstool.
"Let's see what's inside eh?"
"NOoooooo!"
He slapped the senator's hand away.
Out of the wallet fell a public telephone card-advert for personal services.
"You're not supposed to see that!"
"Yes I am! I'm the TSA!"
"NSA!"
"Don't mind if I do!"
He took twenty dollars from the wallet.
"Two beers! One for me and one for my friend!"
He smiled again.
"That's a mighty fine coat you're wearing!"

Wednesday 16 October 2013

Ding Dong, Ring Out The Bells.

Harvard and Stanford say aye!
Does this mean the world is safe again?
Now the Republicrats have recovered from their schizophrenic episode and taped their hive-mind back up their arses, can little Joey run around with his dog and bb gun in the backwoods again, safe from all that ungoverned nature?

Will there be a freshly roasted chicken and a doctor in every dining room?
Will the S&P rise so high that businessmen will ascend to high ledges from the street wearing nothing but galoshes on their feet?

Will the clouds blow away, revealing the bright blue sky of a late October Summer, where unseasonal birds sing sweetly and tears no longer fall?

Yes, yes and oh yes!
When the fake president signs the bill presented by the fake politicians, which enshrines everything we hate, give or take a little trivial tinkering, then all will be well again as the US claims 'no tax rise' and the shrinking chickens are carved up by proud family men all over using Chinese cutlery.
Of course, the real trick is this: the US can borrow a lot more. They are printing money to buy their own bonds. This means that they are burying inflation under cover of a gigantic asset grab.
And that is the nasty secret they hope to prolong for one more year.

Show's over, chaps. Pick up your cans and pizza boxes, make a space for next year's comedy.
Only next year, the pizza ration will be smaller, the beer weaker, it will all cost more, and you will all be getting healthier.

Tuesday 8 October 2013

Debt Default? Perish The Thought.

The news companies are doing what they do, dramatising facts that haven't happened yet, spreading fear and despondency over the potential for the US government's budget tiff to become a real item which threatens a 'debt default' in the near future.

The US government is playing along, sticking to the script and dramatising things like war memorials and National Parks.
Obviously without government, nature becomes a vicious man-trap that people must avoid, and the war-dead will rise again and start killing afresh.

It's all so predictable it could have been scripted by a Hollywood hack writer who is jaundiced by making screaming turds look like heroes on the Silver Screen, and now wants to make the screaming turds riding America into the sunset of Freedom look like heroes.

Sit down on the porch or in front of the TV with your six-pack Americans; order that pizza and relax.
The nation ( and the world of course) will be reliably saved by the third act, no need to worry, the only thing you have to wonder about is the twist, the false ending, the bit where the true hero and the true villain are revealed.

But hey, don't sweat it. The audience gets to vote on who has the most talent at the end of the series in 2016 and the current favourite won't be back whatever happens.

Meanwhile the bastards wield the Tofu fist in the Titanium glove behind the scenes, making sure that the hard sell goes down.

Don't worry if you don't want to buy. They aren't fussy, they'll take your money anyway, so long as you like aircraft carriers and leaders like foreign junkets.